President Murray announces new diversity initiative

Pleyaheyda B.N. Frank

President Murray announced a new diversity initiative in a socially-distanced speech at the amphitheater last week. 

“The recent crises in our country have made everything seem uncertain, but they bring our attention to areas which we hadn’t previously thought enough about,” President Murray said. 

“In particular, we at Whitman are reminded of the importance of thinking more intentionally about what diversity can and should look like. We must make it clear that we value diversity and growth in our community, which means it is essential that we grow in our diversity: we have a duty to invest in our community by being as inclusive as possible.” 

She continued— 

“That’s why we need to maximize inclusion when it comes to our holdings — holdings in areas as diverse as pharmaceutical companies, the oil and gas industry, defense manufacturing, mass media — and eventually, of course — all of the land in eastern Washington. This initiative will hopefully open our eyes to new ways-of-knowing and new ways-of-holding — new fund-tologies, if you will.” 

“I understand that many people, especially young people, have lost faith in both institutions and the people running them. Still, in the face of all this uncertainty, it has become increasingly clear that there’s one institution we can still believe in: the market. We in leadership know that all Whitties will support our efforts to move towards a more diverse and inclusive portfolio, and we truly appreciate your timid, implicit consent as we move forward in these changing times,” President Murray said. 

Concluding her speech, President Murray, to the silence and bewilderment of the audience, strode up towards the entrance of the amphitheater, thoughtfully placed both hands on treaty rock, and said: 

“I would like to end this speech by acknowledging that I am on stolen Umatilla and Cayuse land.”