As many of us know, Whitman college does not allow pets–except for fish and small aquatic turtles–in residence halls. While fish are great listeners and turtles are fun to race, many of us find ourselves wishing for a more substantial pet to keep us company while watching the naked mile from our window. Fortunately, the college recently released a new list of animals allowed in residence halls.

Dodo birds. These birds are perfect to keep next to your Jewett couch bed, not only because they are flightless and won’t go anywhere, but also because they went extinct several centuries ago. While everyone will think you got your faux-feather jacket at Goodwill, only you and your Dodo will know the truth.

Axolotl. You may have caught a glimpse of these underwater drug addicts jumping around in the science building aquarium, but little did you know you could own such a majestic little twerp. Even better, these freaks live for around ten years, so even if you continue to fail Encounters and are unable to graduate, you’ll always have your axolotl to come home to.

Tarsier. Found in Southeast Asia, these small primates with enormous beady eyes stress you out just from looking at them. Many people avoid them at all costs, but tarsiers actually have an invaluable purpose for college students. All you have to do is set your new pet on your desk so that it can stare at you for hours without blinking. You’ll never look away from your essay again.

Kiwi. Whitman was a bit ambiguous about this last pet, as it is unclear whether the guidelines refer to the fuzzy fruit or the adorable bird from New Zealand. Both make great pets because of their soft exteriors and similarity to potatoes. While the fruit may require more love and care, these two kiwi species are sure to add some much-needed joy and hair into your life.