Each year, when Christmas rolls around, Jews in America face the same problems. Christmas is a puzzling holiday for many of us, especially those who worship menorahs for eight nights in December (or sometimes even November). Some common questions that arise around this time of year include, but are not limited to: Why is Christmas only one day out of the year? How does a tree grow in people’s homes? Do Santa and Hanukkah Harry get along? Unfortunately, Jews around the world may never know the answers to the these questions.

Perhaps the worst part about Christmas time for Jews are the plethora of Santas. Imagine walking into a mall looking for the perfect latke cookbook and finding Santa. No big deal, right? Wrong. After purchasing that cookbook and several dreidels that are not made of clay, you walk back to your car, only to find another Santa ringing a bell and asking for donations. Where are you? Does Santa have multiple identities? Did Hanukkah Harry put him up to this? Many Jews report feeling detached from reality after such encounters, prompting hospitals to open speciality wings to treat these individuals.

Seconds after Thanksgiving ends, every single store in the U.S. begins to advertise mediocre Christmas decorations, toys and deals. The Walla Walla Weedery even sells Christmas trees made out of a special holiday strain of marijuana, as well as edibles for Santa and the youngest children of the family. Hanukkah merchandise, on the other hand, is absent from these stores. This means that thousands of Jews must wander the Christmas aisles lost, confused and hopelessly in search of the perfect menorah candles to light up their forgotten holiday. They hope that one day stores will carry wool Hanukkah sweaters and guides that clarify the accepted spellings of the word Hanukkah.