Our living room is a pigsty. A paper plate on the floor holds the rotting remains of a pomegranate. Biochemistry textbooks and torn vogue magazines. Mugs, bowls, spoons and trash. There is a knife sticking out of the wall. The carpet is stained with red wine and, it seems, with blood. Matted clots of hair, strewn. Earthworms slink out from couch cushions. Millipedes. Froth.

I haven’t seen our cat in over a week. All of the light bulbs are burned out. The walls feel as though they are closing in. The ceiling is collapsing. There are no windows.

Mold has claimed the chairs. When I sit down, millions of spores discharge in thick, unbreathable clouds. The smell is unbelievable. I am going to die.

(I listened to this song moving into my new apartment.)

“What is language?” She asked me, “What is cardboard? Where does cardboard come from? Where does our water come from? What is the moon? Did you see that UFO? I once met a man who had a third nostril. There are happy couples, but I think they lie to each other. I’ve never been on a roller coaster.”

She picked up the bowl and balanced it on her head. Not a single drop spilled.

(I listened to this song all day when I got my cat.)

Black Coffee.

Last week I eavesdropped on a conversation between two boys sharing a bag of Doritos.

“I think my parents are getting a divorce.” And someone talking to her friend. “Do you think anyone has ever burned down their house from not cleaning the lint catcher?”

(Where have I heard this song before?)

And a mother. And a man with a bike. And two people not speaking to each other. Someone with groceries.

“I got him the worst birthday gift. I am such a terrible brother.”

What is going to happen today?

(I listened to this song on the train to Budapest.)

I’m not taking care of my plants and they are all dying.

I’m so sorry plants, I should be taking better care of you but I can’t do that right now for you.

(I listened to this song all day when they put her down.)

“I’m so afraid of not being there for someone when they really need it.”

“The world is so beautiful, slow and quick.”

“Someone left a light on downstairs.”

(Last night, I listened to this song in my bedroom.)

I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry.