Every year as the leaves begin to change color, Whitman College is subjected to a hideous plague that wracks the school for a good eight months. From the stomach flu to the permanent sore throat to the raspy first-year kennel cough, there are a wide variety of ailments available to the Whitman student body. However, not all students have an equal opportunity of catching one of these illnesses. Obviously, the first-years who live in close quarters with questionable hygiene standards are privileged in the realm of illness catching, whereas those who live off-campus and wash their hands on a semi-regular basis may not have the same opportunity to contract disease.

In order to resolve this horrifying disparity Whitman College turns to its fraternities, highly respected institutions devoted to equality and inclusion. Specifically, every year, one of Whitman’s favorite fraternities, Delta Iota Kappa (DIK), hosts their legendary party, Globe and Shackle. Globe and Shackle celebrates the frat’s most important values and reminds us that regardless of sexuality, gender or race, everyone can still catch mononucleosis.

You know in “The Devil Wears Prada” where Emily Blunt tells Anne Hathaway that she’s “just one stomach flu away from her goal weight”? Well lucky for you, it’s not just celebrities who can use illness to achieve their ideal body. DIK’s Globe and Shackle provides this opportunity to the masses. This legendary party brings together illnesses from the every corner of campus, and provides endless ways for them to spread. You are basically required to lick the salt off the abdominals of at least two randos, share a ring pop amongst five different people, not to mention having your personal space aggressively invaded in the basement, where six hundred people are packed into a room the size of a postage stamp. It can get pretty hot down there, so feel free to cool off by rubbing your body against the dripping, sweat covered walls or simply pour a Keystone over your head. Globe and Shackle virtually guarantees that you won’t leave without some form of illness. So whether it’s from explosively voiding your bowels, feeling too hungover to eat for 36 hours or simply walking extra distances to avoid that rando you hooked-up up with, Globe and Shackle will ensure that you have the means to lose those pesky few pounds.

Ultimately, Globe and Shackle is, like everything the fraternities do, a selfless philanthropic event focused on bettering the community. DIKs provide everyone the opportunity to feel as if they are a part of something special. So, a few days after Globe and Shackle, when your body feels like liquid and your tonsils have swollen to the size of passenger jets, do not despair. Instead, revel in the fact that you are now participating in a quintessential college experience, and it’s all thanks to the DIKs who hosted Globe and Shackle.