Kimye names children ‘Best Western,’ ‘Western Red Cedar”‘

Joseph Wood


Illustration by Sophie Cooper-Ellis.

Last Wednesday, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian announced that they are having twins. The announcement comes after months of the Hollywood couple trying to have another child. Kim added to her announcement that she “is excited beyond belief” and is “excited for Northwest to have siblings.”

Kim and Kanye revealed that the twins’ names will be Best Western and Western Red Cedar. A close friend of the family said that Kim and Kanye wanted names that could work for both a boy and a girl since they don’t yet know the sexes of the twins. They considered Heezy and Sheezy but decided against the names for that reason.

The family chose Best Western because Paris Hilton will be the twins’ godmother and they want one of their names to match hers.

“The hotel name Best Western is a tribute to Hilton’s hotel background. This way the twins will be forever linked to Paris,” said Kanye. He also added that Best Western “has an excellent continental breakfast and a lovely lobby so it seemed only natural to name one after the hotel establishment.”

Best Western has been in the news, with People Magazine praising the ingenuity behind the name. Other news outlets ridiculed the name, questioning the couple on why they aren’t going to name their child Vagabond Inn or Super 8 Motel.

Maternity magazines included articles about how Hotel Chain names are going to be the most popular newborn names this year.

The name Western Red Cedar has garnered less attention as plant names have become the norm in the past few years. Names like sprout, fertilizer and scotchbroom have been appearing regularly in 2014. Kim explained the story behind the name, telling TMZ that she “has fallen in love with hiking and the scent of

the forest.” She finally convinced Kanye to hike a trail in Oregon and on the trip they the saw “the most beautiful tree.” After finding out that the tree had west in its name, Kanye decided that he wanted to name one of the twins Western Red Cedar and that he wanted to be one with nature.

“For me, naming one of my children Western Red Cedar represents a change in my music and life,” said Kanye. He has become an avid outdoorsman, taking up hunting elk and alpine skiing. His new album coming out in November is expected to reflect his transcendentalist beliefs.

With Kanye’s change in lifestyle and music comes a new line of Nike shoes. Kanye is set to release his new 10,000-dollar Yeezy Hikes, a hiking boot branch off his Nike Air Yeezys. They have gortex toe, sheepskin lining and are bright red. Outdoor magazine called them “the flashiest piece of sportswear since neon yellow ski suits.”

Kim and Kanye ultimately feel that their twins’ names should reflect their family values and are excited for their arrival.

“It will be a new chapter in our lives,” said Kim.

“I cannot wait to teach them to gut a rabbit and ride bikes,” added a proud Kanye.


Joseph Wood is a pseudonym.