We all know the man in charge of running the Associated Students of Whitman College. We all know about his spirit, his dedication and his love of horsies. We all know Rim Teed. He takes care of our laws and policies and uses our student funds deftly. But there remains one question: is he single? Well, I am sorry to report, ladies and gentleman, that there is indeed a Mrs. Teed. Fueled by a strong journalistic drive and decidedly not by a creepy need to know everything about everyone, I set out to discover the truth, dedicating many hours and late nights Facebook stalking––by which I mean researching––the lovely Mrs. Teed. Here are the facts I have uncovered:

Of course we all love and support our president, not only out of fear that he will revoke our club funding, but does Mrs. Teed really put up with all of those late nights in the ASWC office? She does. Not only does she like all of Teed’s Facebook posts, even the boring ASWC ones, she also sends him uplifting and hilarious pics, such as the lovable Doge meme. Such support. Very love. So ASWC. Wow. Amaze.

Teed is famous for his love of horsies, since we all remember his rousing campaign, “Now is the Time for Horsies,” last fall. Well, Mrs. Teed shares that love of horsies, and she has a beautiful chestnut mare named Lady Buttercup Truffleton III. She and Teed frequently go horsey-back riding together on the beach at sunset, but the distance they drive to get to this beach is unclear.

Other than take fabulous sunset horsey-back rides on the beach, what do the Teeds do? Being the most glamorous and powerful couple on campus, they must be out and about all the time, right? Wrong. The Teeds are truly very down-to-earth people. On any given Friday night, they can be found lounging in their off-campus mountain, watching Netflix on a 40-inch plasma screen, eating taste-of takeout off a silver platter.

All in all, we are glad, if only a little heartbroken, Teed, that you found such a wonderful first lady.