Why is psychology so easy? After stumbling into a psychology professor’s office after hours last week, this reporter was appalled to find documents implicating that Whitman was just one big psychological experiment. It seems that psych teachers are simply too busy trying to slog through the data to make their classes hard.

The genius of this experiment is astounding. Looking down the list, I was shocked to see that the college is a social experiment to measure how individual manipulations in variables dictate student niceness to each other.

With the psychology department being the only real department on campus with ultimate control over the affairs of all others, it is no surprise that Whitman is looked at as a utopia. Ex-childhood actor and current Whitman President Jeff Bridges is listed as the head of the department. He has every part of campus under observation from his laboratory by North Hall.

With Greek-affiliated students and independent students in two separate control groups, it seems that the real reason why the two compete to see who is happier has deeper, much more sinister implications.

When will the brainwashing stop? Next time you hear a funny joke or think about cracking a smile at that girl you like, think again: You are just conforming to the experiment.