With the presidential election race heating up, the Obama campaign is set to release its biggest surprise yet. Bill Clinton and his enormous seductive penis are getting ready to, as he puts it, “bend Romney’s campaign over and show ‘em who’s got the ‘huevos’ to win this election.” While there has been speculation and controversy over Romney not releasing some of his tax statements, more recently the campaign has come under fire for not releasing information on the size of his penis.
Romney has been quoted saying, “I told everyone how big it is so I’m not sure what the confusion is about. Like I’ve said before, it’s 18 inches in length and the people of America have the right to be surprised.” A skeptical Paul Ryan has hinted that he is not so sure of the former governor of Massachusettss far-fetched size, saying, “He just sits around all day with a measuring tape and pulls it out to measure, but not so people can see the measurements. He never seems satisfied with the results, though, and often cries or pounds his fists on his desk.”
In response to the Romney penis debacle, President Obama asked an already eager President Clinton to “put [his] balls on the campaign table for everyone in America to see.” When questioned about his motives, Obama said the reason he has asked Clinton to help is “obvious because of his well-known ‘reputation’ that can really help our campaign.” He followed it up by aptly stating that, “At this point in the race, it’s time to ‘nut up or shut up.’ Am I right?”
An enthusiastic Clinton has politely asked a reluctant Romney to bring his “Horse-Dick” (Clinton’s phrasing) and participate in “a gentlemen’s display of phallic superiority” to once and for all settle this compelling development. What the upcoming display will entail is anyone’s guess, but popular presumptions include a naked staring contest in which the first one to break eye-penis contact loses. Other guesses include penis push-ups and penis jousting. Both campaigns have chosen two judges for this highly anticipated contest with a fifth neutral judge selected by the supreme court. Republicans have selected the safe choice Sarah Palin and wildcard former U.S. Representative Anthony Wiener. The Democrats have chosen the provocative duo of Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinksy, with the Supreme Court surprising everyone in their selection of manly-man Morgan Freeman. The display, which is set to televise nationally next Thursday night, could be the deciding factor in this year’s presidential election.
