This week, the Backpage was lucky enough to have Miss Manners step in as a guest columnist. She was more than willing to help us answer some of the fan mail we get here at The Pioneer.

Dear Miss Manners,

I was wondering, what kind of relationship I should have with my dealer? I Facechatted him the other day to ask for an eighth, but is that too impersonal? I just want weed, but I’m told one should treat his dealer nicely, so as not to get ripped off. Is this true? How friendly should I be? If I had better people skills, I wouldn’t need weed …

Gentle Reader,

Facechat? Srsly? Has Miss Manners taught you nothing? You should always call your dealer directly. Maybe have the decency to share a bowl with him. This person is enabling your habits. To quote my favorite readers, The Black Eyed Peas, “Where is da love?”

Dear Miss Manners,

Is it in poor taste to purchase my weed in Olin? I thought nothing of it, until I told my roommate and he couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe I should switch transaction locations?

Gentle Reader,

Please don’t waste my time with such tomfoolery. Everyone knows Olin should be your last resort for anything (building in which to take classes, place to print shit, place to buy kush). Go to your dealer’s apartment or behind Apex.

Dear Miss Manners,

What is the polite way to ask a girl if I can smang it?

Gentle Reader,

You don’t want to surprise the fair maiden, so I suggest you start off by asking if you can smash it. Once she obliges, you might ask if you can bang it. Shortly after you succeed in making that request, you may ask her to smang it.