Dude, Are You Crying? by Dave Ellis

Hey, Jeffster! Dude, you gotta call Amy up and have her come over. Me and the guys are gonna grab some dinner at that new Thai place, and I bet she’d be totally into it. Sean was saying they have these chicken things you can dip in this really spicy peanut sauce and . . . hey, Jeff, are you okay? Dude, you don’t look so good, are you all right? Whoa, Jeff! Dude, are you crying? Jeff, is everything okay man? Did Amy dump you or something? I thought you guys were cool now, she was over here like a week ago! Dude, it’s okay, man! Are you really crying?

I’m Not Crying! By Jeff Dugoni

Dude, I’m not crying, all right? I’m just–shit. Fuck. I’m not crying, I’ve just–I’ve just got some stuff in my eye. It’s pollen. Winter pollen. Okay? I’m fine. Amy and I are fine. Everything is cool. God, just–just back off, all right? I’m sorry, I know you’re just trying to help. But just–just–I’m not crying, bro. I probably have an eye infection or something. In both eyes. One that makes it look like I’m crying, but I’m actually not. It’s all good. It’s all good in the hood, bro! Haha! Ahhhh. Christ. I’m okay, dude. I’m fine. Let’s just get some Thai food. Jesus, this fucking–this fucking winter pollen. It’s just getting in my infected eyes. Shit. I’m not crying.

The other ones are gonna be done in a hot minute.