Everyone loves the Beta foam party! But who is the man behind the foam? Little is known about him. Here for the first time ever we attempt to pierce the shroud of mystery surrounding “the Foam Guy” by presenting a series of customer satisfaction reviews from his promotional pamphlet.

Janice Kirkpatrick:
I needed foam for my wedding recep- tion and I just couldn’t find anybody who was up to my standards. All of
the other foam experts were either too watery or too solid. Thank god I found the Foam Guy on Craig’s list at the last second! At first I was a little skeptical of his request that I pay him only in cash under the light of the full moon, but it worked out great! My husband’s family was extremely impressed with the quality of the foam.

Ryan Shemp:
We were throwing a surprise party for Grandma’s 75th and I didn’t know what to do! Grandma’s done about everything under the sun, and I couldn’t think of anything that would surprise her in just the right way. Then, I saw an advertisement for the Foam Guy in the back pages of an erotic Brazilian graphic novel! I’ll admit that initially I was sort of creeped out by his hook for a hand, but he certainly got the job done. Grandma had a great time slipping and sliding around in the foam while people ground to loud techno all around her. Thanks Foam Guy!

Nancy Pelosi:
We considered hiring the Foam Guy for the inaugural ball. Really, he was the first choice. I’ve used him before at a few of my private functions. Unfortunately, the President was concerned that we know so little about him. After extensive research and background checks, all we could figure out was that no one has ever seen him outside during the daytime and that apparently his face is incapable of producing tears. Michelle and I were rooting for him, but the President said no. It’s too bad. I was really looking forward to getting my foam on.

Clark Freeman:
Yeah, uh… I run a local car wash, right down on east Isaacs, and I guess I didn’t really understand what his ad meant by “the foam guy”. I sort of assumed that it would be a soap and water service or something to do with washing cars, but that wasn’t it at all. He just showed up with his pet tiger and fancy Foam machine, talking about where we could set it up so it would be away from the speakers but still close enough for all the half-naked people to dance. I won’t lie, I had a great time, but it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for.