So, I assume you all read last week’s issue of the Pio, right? Well, I hope you did, otherwise these jokes are already deader than that huge petrified forest in California. But anyway, you probably noticed that there’s not exactly earth-shattering news going on most weekdays in Walla Walla… at least, there aren’t any lip-synching controversies with one of the a cappella groups or accusations of human-rights abuses during pinging. Hell, there hasn’t even been a proper listserv debate so far this year. You can probably understand that it’s up to good old journalistic voodoo to pique your extremely short attention spans with a news story in the Pio, and that’s where an age-old skill comes into play: the sensationalistic headline! Take a gander at a few of these choice headlines from last week’s Pio after they’ve been sensationalized and tell us you wouldn’t choose them over some dry old issue of the New Yorker any day of the week.