After dinner on a seemingly regular Wednesday evening in Penrose Library, the normal hustle and bustle is accompanied with maximum side-chat and minimum work being completed in all realms of the campus’s...
Anthony Reale, Mickey Shin's Cheez-It Fetish
• February 8, 2018
The Whitman College climbing gym eagerly awaits the announcement of the Rock Pope after the characteristic white smoke and scent of armpits wafted out of the climbing gym Tuesday. This occurrence was...
Thursday, 9 a.m. PST
Whitman College has officially unveiled its new major, Environmental Studies-Hypocrisy, in order to accommodate a growing population of ES students who wish to discuss environmental...
Clara Wheeler, Scramble Leader #20
• August 25, 2017
As first-years flood onto campus to bless us with their presence, a clear segregation arises. Nobody likes to talk about it, few acknowledge it, but it returns, year after year. I speak, of course, about...
Winston Weigand, The One that Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
• August 25, 2017
Donald Duck, the famous anthropomorphic waterfowl, was once one of the most popular cartoon characters in the world. Nowadays, however, Mr. Duck is struggling to make ends meet.
As many know, his previously-immense...
Anthony Reale, Garbage Collector of the Year, 2014
• August 25, 2017
In a stunning turn of events, the Board of Trustees has voted for the immediate closing of Whitman College following a protest by incoming first-year students. No one expected or was prepared for such...
The Isaacs Avenue construction team made a shocking discovery early Monday morning as they uncovered stairs leading to President Penrose’s tomb. The excavation is ongoing, but the tomb appears to be...
Anthony Reale, The Guy Who Would End Up a Cook if He Were Drafted
• April 27, 2017
On any average day on Whitman’s campus, you’re bound to find quite a few people skateboarding, blasting past pedestrians with an excited, ‘Shaaaaaaaaaaa brooooooo!’ As common as a sighting...
Whitman College has never offered a course on divination–the practice of fortune telling–until this year. In fact, no other schools of higher education have even considered it before.
“It was...
With only a few weeks left in the spring semester, and with finals quickly approaching, Whitman students are starting to feel the end-of-school-year stress. In addition to the lack of sleep and lack...
For many first and second-year vampires, living on the Whitman College campus is no easy feat. To begin with, most dorm rooms are not appropriately furnished with adult-sized coffins (a few rooms in...
Venmo, the popular app that lets people transfer money to others for quick and easy payments, has recently landed itself in some hot water. After being investigated for involvement in black market exchanges,...
