CJ Fritz, Has a Rock in His Shoe
• February 14, 2019
On Monday, Big Tobacco rolled out its newest marketing campaign for smokers.
For years, scientific evidence has conclusively proved that smoking causes several types of cancer, especially lung cancer....
Anthony Reale, Campbell's Rat Noodle Stew
• February 14, 2019
Something is gleaming brighter than snow this winter season, blinding the entirety of Whitman students. No it’s not the shiny rejection letters that seniors are receiving from potential jobs — it’s...
Ann Karneus, Best Baked Alaska Runner-Up 1923
• February 14, 2019
Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you know what that means: it’s time to forcibly define that blossoming relationship you’ve been tentatively cultivating. Two weeks in or four months in, the politics...
Ann Karneus, Eight Frogs in a Trench Coat
• February 8, 2019
Hey folks — this week I want to get personal and share some tips with you that have come in handy time and time again when I’m having trouble motivating myself. I’m all too familiar with the crippling...
Anthony Reale, Moistest Envelope Licker '73
• February 8, 2019
After an extensive research project, The Wire has uncovered a shocking crime perpetrated by the administration. The crime — student surveillance — was committed by Director of Bullhorns, Mad Lib...
AQ, Red Robin's Slammingest Chungus 2017
• February 8, 2019
At 10:14 a.m. last Wednesday, in the classroom of Religion Studies 136, the professor and students thought it was going to be like any other day of student presentations. With the lights off and students...
Anthony Reale, Can Opener's Brother-in-Law
• January 29, 2019
Deep within the chenille-lined boardrooms of Memorial Hall, there lies an unmarked mahogany door. Behind this door is a velvet ballroom, within which the most secret and important meetings that the administration...
On Monday morning, Whitman College proudly announced the addition of a new member to its ranks of faculty. Lenny Andrews, local greedy uncle, was added to the renowned staff at Alumni Fundraising.
According...
With the thundering and heavy noises of Adam Ondra, a very well known rock climber, echoing in the ears of at least one hundred Whitman climbers and students at the much anticipated viewing of "Reel Rock...
In a shocking twist, Whitman students’ beloved Colville Street Patisserie has made the infrastructural decision to replace all coffee with well water. But how, and precisely why, is the coffee shop...
"I am just as surprised and relieved as you are!"
Whitman junior Rodney Rodnus exclaimed and assumed of the interviewer regarding his shockingly productive Thanksgiving break. Rodney is one of one student(s)...
Maddie Ott, Tortellini Charmer
• November 29, 2018
Our first Good Samaritan was a simple man with a simple plan. Once his father brought him to the attention that he would need to find his own ride from Pasco back to Whitman, his heroic tendencies...
