Whitman Wire

Horrified Mitch McConnell Wakes Up From Nightmare in which Trump is the GOP Nominee

Jeffrey Gustaveson, staff writer

March 10, 2016

  Washington, D.C. -- Waking in a panicked, cold sweat early Wednesday morning, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell breathed an enormous sigh of relief after reminding himself that his nightmare about Donald Trump winning the GOP nomination was “totally impossible” and “just a dream”...

McConnell Rallies Support Against Supreme Court Appointment With Pagan Ritual Sacrifice

Ben Freedman, humor editor

February 25, 2016

WASHINGTON – Late last Wednesday, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell conducted a traditional Pagan ritual sacrifice deep within his chambers to maintain Republican solidarity against accepting Supreme Court nominees. Hunched over a cauldron containing Obama’s short list of candidates, McConnell...

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