Whitman Wire

Bridges Unclear on Goals of Divestment Campaign

Keenan Hilton

March 28, 2013

In 2011, President George Bridges launched the "Now is the Time" campaign to encourage patrons to invest in Whitman. "My idea was simple. It got at the heart of things," Bridges explained earnestly. "Most people make plans for the future. The true genius of this campaign was that I identified now as the ti...

Ugly, Awkward Virgins Deserve Sympathy, Not Ridicule

Ugly, Awkward Virgins Deserve Sympathy, Not Ridicule

Spencer Wharton

March 28, 2013

I'm gonna be blunt: We've got to stop virgin-shaming. There's an unfortunate trend in our society to scorn virgins. If word gets out that you made it to voting age without ever touching another person's genitals, you're practically guaranteed a certain amount of derision. "Virgin" is tossed around like a slur, as if there'...

The Regrets List

Editorial Board

March 28, 2013

The Pioneer regrets that, after a weekend-long convention focused on the importance of social media and breaking news, the Associated Collegiate Press failed to publish a list of award winners until Tuesday morning after the convention, thus making the entire staff wait with anticipation to confirm ...

Athletes run after balls with mouths open

Libby Arnosti

April 1, 2012

A disturbing realization about athletes was made last week by The Pioneer editor-in-chief Patricia Vanderbilt. After sports editor Libby Arnosti seriously stubbed her big toe a few days earlier and was forced to stay at home to rest, Vanderbilt had taken over some of her editorial duties. Vanderbilt reports ...

Whitman student finds job

Patricia Vanderbilt

April 1, 2012

News broke yesterday that senior archaeology major Silvia Path has a job lined up for after she graduates. Path's prospective employment is a shocking reversal of Whitman's drive to render every student unfit for such lower pursuits as "work" or "labor." Path confessed that she was looking forward...

Rejected from Whitman College

Josh Goodman

April 1, 2012

Whitman will notify all applicants for the Class of 2016 as to whether they will be admitted by April 1. The Pio raided the Office of Admissions and found some of the rejection letters they were sending out. Dear Applicant, You probably figured this out because this wasn't in a big envelope, but...

Jew-It Hall, Out House among ResLife housing changes

Josh Goodman

April 1, 2012

Whitman College Residence Life has announced plans to re-appropriate five residence halls in order to meet the changing needs of students. The affected halls are Jew-It Hall, the Out House, CoHo and GloHo, and And Her Son Hall. Jew-It Hall Jew-It Hall will become a Jewish student housing option. ...

Pio editor arrested for residing in Reid

Pio editor arrested for residing in Reid

Patricia Vanderbilt

April 1, 2012

The editor-in-chief of The Pioneer was arrested yesterday for allegedly living at Reid Campus Center. Campus security was originally called by Associate Dean of Students: Student Programs and Activities Barbara Maxwell, who noticed said editor exhibiting some suspicious behavior. "Well, first I saw her...

Yellow journalism

Rachel Alexander

April 1, 2012

Earlier this year, junior Sarah Dawson found herself feeling lonely and wanting more physical intimacy. Though students in this position have traditionally sought relationships or hook-ups to fill the void in their lives, Dawson turned to a solution that's becoming increasingly common on the Whitman...

College gets high with new Whitman airline

College gets high with new Whitman airline

Josh Goodman

April 1, 2012

Whitman College is getting into the airline charter business, having recently purchased two Boeing 737s to start a college-run airline, missionAIRy. "We wanted to provide our sports teams with a quicker way to travel than buses," said Dean of Sports Malcolm Putz. "Quite frankly, we're above that....

Students outraged by increase in campus publications

Students outraged by increase in campus publications

Patricia Vanderbilt

April 1, 2012

An angry mob of Whitman students rallied on Reid sidelawn yesterday to protest the sharp increase in student-produced publications over the past four years. "Stop telling us to read stuff! Enough is enough!" the group chanted, while throwing buckets full of shredded copies of The Pioneer at uns...

Resident ducks rally against “Lakum Gooseum”

Resident ducks rally against “Lakum Gooseum”

Molly Johanson

April 1, 2012

For the ducks of Lakum Duckum, a bird in hand is not worth two in the bush––especially when the hand is their lake and the bush is Canada. This spring, Lakum Duckum has seen much greater numbers of migrating Canada Geese. Resident ducks have raised quite a ruckus about their opposition to...

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