Whitman Wire

Illustration by Eli Rodriguez.

Tips and tricks for family weekend

Conor Bartol, The Big Cheese ‘Round These Parts October 21, 2021

Family Weekend is here, and for many of you that means only one thing: your parents and guardians have come to check up on you, a source of great dismay. But fret not! Here are some tips to keep things...

Student writes kinky fanfic for creative writing class (and I swear it wasn’t me)

Sammy Fitts, Alice x Bella Shipper October 21, 2021

One student took the spooky season a bit too far when their creative writing short story included a classic monster: the vampire. Unfortunately for the professor and all the other students workshopping...

Illustration by Madi Welch.

Actors who should play Mario instead of Chris Pratt

Sammy Fitts, Single (X) Taken (X) Gamer(?) October 7, 2021

The internet cried out on the Sept. 23 2021, when Nintendo announced that Chris Pratt would be the starring voice in the Super Mario Bros movie. There is obviously one major problem with this casting:...

Introducing Whitman’s new mascot: Perry the Possum

Ben Kearney, Contracted Rabies While Writing This Article October 7, 2021

After weeks of deliberation, Whitman has decided on decapitating the missionaries and turning the Blues' frown upside down in favor of a fresh, new and drippy mascot to increase enrollment for the class...

Little Lad who likes Berries and Cream announced as special guest for campus dance workshop

Carmel Stephan, Could go for some berries and cream October 7, 2021

September’s biggest Tik Tok sensation, The Little Lad who likes berries and cream will be coming to Whitman for a workshop in body form and character building. Jack Fervor, the little lad themself, is...

Students share concepts for improving Cleveland Commons

Students share concepts for improving Cleveland Commons

Lee Thomas, Lee Thomas's clone October 7, 2021

Cleveland Commons is back in full swing, with reusable dishes, indoor seating and the beautiful salad bar all available again. And yet, one cannot go a day without hearing someone complain in some...

5 ways to find players for your tabletop campaign if talking to people scares you

Sammy Fitts, Pining for the female-presenting Maxey Demon September 30, 2021

You want to join a Dungeons & Dragons game but no one wants you. Well, you’ve never asked anyone to join, but no one’s approached you which 100% means no one wants you. So you do what everyone...

Illustration by Madi Welch.

Non-PNW Residents, here’s your guide to rain

Ben Kearney, It’s raining from your tears September 30, 2021

Okay you newbies, listen up. Obviously if you’re new to the beautiful Pacific Northwest, then you know it gets wet and no I don’t mean from sex. Yes, it does rain a lot here. But don’t freak out,...

Illustration by Eli Rodriguez.

V-Nord Improv’s return countered by heckler group

Conor Bartol, A Serious Goose September 30, 2021

Campus was delighted recently by the return of the improv group Varsity Nordic (better known as V-Nord) to in-person shows. However, every light casts a shadow, and as they returned, so too did their sinister...

The Nail Clipper: Origins

Carmel Stephan, Bona Fide journalist September 30, 2021

In the dead of night, as the last raven has settled from its flight, they lurk out of sight: The Nail Clipper. Climbing up brick and ivy, through your window they come sliding. Taking off your slippers...

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Christopher Nowak BFS MLIS