Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Illustration by Hayden Garner.

Student plans to clean room for fourth consecutive week

Ian Lewis, in need of a vacuum February 2, 2023

After a long period of ambiguity and broken promises, Whitman sophomore Jared Haney once again confirmed he was planning to clean his dorm room "sometime next week" for the fourth week in a row. After...

Lily Collins treks Paris in platforms: A review

Carmel Stephan, désolée, parlez vous Anglais? February 2, 2023

As tends to happen over winter break when my days are filled to the brim with tedium and gray skies, I devoured television shows like advent calendar chocolates. One of these show was (évidemment!) Emily...

Illustration by Payton Davies.

Wire on blast for censorship: Writers protest omission of Oxford commas

Lee Thomas, Feature Writer February 2, 2023

The Wire writers are on protest this week after realizing their articles were stripped of their Oxford commas. The Oxford comma is a special little dot that separates items within a list of your siblings...

Illustration by Amelia Ebling.

The six silliest Fox News headlines from 2022

Rachel Husband, dusty old bag February 2, 2023

After yet another tumultuous year in the news, it has been hard to keep up with important and relevant stories as they’ve emerged. So, we at The Wire have compiled an exhaustive list of the best news...

No-fail fun and funky fall crafts

Conor Bartol, Running with scissors (in defiance of the laws of God and man) November 17, 2022

Are you plagued by inadequacy in the kitchen? Do you wield a turkey baster with the same finesse as a garden hose? Are you unable to contribute to a Thanksgiving feast with culinary skill? Fret not!...

No Nut November front-runner exposed for performance-enhancing drugs

Lee Thomas, Existentialism in the front, absurdism in the back November 17, 2022

This week, leading No Nut November (NNN) competitor Michael "Mike" Okhard was kicked off the leaderboard after a blood test revealed he was using performance-enhancing steroids, such as fluoxetine and...

RA manages to recruit new RA and free self from curse

Ian Lewis, Walking wounded November 17, 2022

  In a small win for Resident Assistants (RAs) everywhere, a Stanton Hall RA has managed to convince a resident to become a new RA. This thereby frees her from the ancient blood curse trapping...

The definitive answer to when you can listen to holiday music

The definitive answer to when you can listen to holiday music

Carmel Stephan, The Grinch November 17, 2022

November is upon us, and with its arrival, comes the age-old question: when is it appropriate to start listening to winter holiday music? Some eccentrics begin listening the second September rolls...

North Hall still exists, apparently

Ian Lewis, resident resident November 10, 2022

To the shock of the entire Whitman community, The Wire can now confirm, after months of diligent research, that it appears that North Hall still exists. Despite Whitman sources being “pretty sure”...

Illustration by Megan Suka.

Counseling Center offers support group for students encountering professors outside campus

Lee Thomas, Currently avoiding multiple professors November 10, 2022

Students-Outside-Observing-Professors Therapy, Encouragement and Affinity (SOOP TEA) is the Whitman Counseling Center's newest support group. It is designed to address the difficulties experienced by students...

Guide to psychoanalyzing your professor’s office

Grace Canny, Psychoanalysis extraordinaire November 10, 2022

I know we’ve all been there in office hours. You are looking around like a fish out of water trying to take it all in. You say you’ll just steal glances here and there, but in reality, your eyes wander...

Illustration by M Hu.

Spoiler alert: there are no bears in the play “bare”

Conor Bartol, Bearly There November 10, 2022

My "bare" review in brief: I can barely bear the lack of bears in "bare." I have only myself to blame. When I reviewed a sneak preview of the new school play, "bare," I was expecting something of...

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