After a long period of ambiguity and broken promises, Whitman sophomore Jared Haney once again confirmed he was planning to clean his dorm room "sometime next week" for the fourth week in a row. After...
Carmel Stephan, désolée, parlez vous Anglais?
• February 2, 2023
As tends to happen over winter break when my days are filled to the brim with tedium and gray skies, I devoured television shows like advent calendar chocolates. One of these show was (évidemment!) Emily...
The Wire writers are on protest this week after realizing their articles were stripped of their Oxford commas. The Oxford comma is a special little dot that separates items within a list of your siblings...
After yet another tumultuous year in the news, it has been hard to keep up with important and relevant stories as they’ve emerged. So, we at The Wire have compiled an exhaustive list of the best news...
Conor Bartol, Running with scissors (in defiance of the laws of God and man)
• November 17, 2022
Are you plagued by inadequacy in the kitchen? Do you wield a turkey baster with the same finesse as a garden hose? Are you unable to contribute to a Thanksgiving feast with culinary skill?
Fret not!...
Lee Thomas, Existentialism in the front, absurdism in the back
• November 17, 2022
This week, leading No Nut November (NNN) competitor Michael "Mike" Okhard was kicked off the leaderboard after a blood test revealed he was using performance-enhancing steroids, such as fluoxetine and...
In a small win for Resident Assistants (RAs) everywhere, a Stanton Hall RA has managed to convince a resident to become a new RA. This thereby frees her from the ancient blood curse trapping...
November is upon us, and with its arrival, comes the age-old question: when is it appropriate to start listening to winter holiday music? Some eccentrics begin listening the second September rolls...
To the shock of the entire Whitman community, The Wire can now confirm, after months of diligent research, that it appears that North Hall still exists.
Despite Whitman sources being “pretty sure”...
Lee Thomas, Currently avoiding multiple professors
• November 10, 2022
Students-Outside-Observing-Professors Therapy, Encouragement and Affinity (SOOP TEA) is the Whitman Counseling Center's newest support group. It is designed to address the difficulties experienced by students...
Grace Canny, Psychoanalysis extraordinaire
• November 10, 2022
I know we’ve all been there in office hours. You are looking around like a fish out of water trying to take it all in. You say you’ll just steal glances here and there, but in reality, your eyes wander...
My "bare" review in brief: I can barely bear the lack of bears in "bare."
I have only myself to blame. When I reviewed a sneak preview of the new school play, "bare," I was expecting something of...
