Roasts of Tony

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Illustration by Megan Waldau

Ashlyn Quintus:

Anthony Reale… you mean a crepe!? Spread damn thin, but still sweet.

Maddie Ott:

Dearest Tony, I have not known you for very long so I am going to go for some low hanging fruit. You are really tall; sometimes I think that people always see you, but you never see other people. This is because you are so tall… burnnnnn, boo, got you.

Ann Karneus:

Anthony “Tony’s Sub Shop Slut” Reale is sexually attracted to sandwiches. Keep him away from your BLTs, your meatball subs, your paninis and even your hot dogs — otherwise, he WILL raw dog them.

CJ Fritz:

Anthony Reale likes his French fries with mayonnaise on top.