A whirlwind of hate hit the Encounters program in the face this year, bringing the controversial program under fire yet again. Criticisms included the classic “I don’t know how to write still and I’m a senior,” the annoying “I didn’t get the grade I wanted so let’s make it retroactively Pass-Fail,” and the notable “Kathy Murray hasn’t read Frankenstein, so why should we?!” All these critiques have, apparently, been heard by Encounters chair Lern T. Oofackinreid, who released a document outlining the changes headed for the Encounters program in the coming year.
“It’s so great to hear the students’ voices. Frankly, I was concerned that they were illiterate until they came and talked to me. I teach an Encounters section, and I have yet to hear a single student say anything after I ask a question about one of our texts,” Oofackinreid said.
In order to cater to the students’ puny brains, Oofackinreid has decided to add cult classics Fifty Shades of Grey and Dianetics to the curriculum. Students have already screamed with (what Oofackinreid is deciding to report as) joy!
“Encounters. What better ground is there for new recruit–I mean–texts? The fresh minds, not warped by anything … delicious…” Oofackinreid scream-whispered.
The curriculum will also include field trips to College Cabin for mandatory auditing and isolation training, as they are a mandatory part of the brainwashi–uh, learning–process.
“Next year. We just have to wait until next year…” Oofackinreid hissed.
Look out, Class of 2022! Encounters is shaping up to be a hell of a time!