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The Tromp Detective Agency

Arie Knops, PhD

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The Tromp administration continues to surprise the American public with new skills and thrills. Over the past few weeks it has become increasingly clear that the Tromp administration just might be one of the finest detective agencies on the planet. Not only have they solved numerous, previously unsolved cases, they have solved many unknown cases as well, problems that we weren’t even aware existed.

Most recently the Tromp administration uncovered undisputable evidence that previous President Oarack Bbama had been wiretapping him during the campaign. The administration discovered a GoPro attached to President Tromp’s microwave, with the name “O. Bbama” written in Sharpie.

“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that meddling Tromp administration!” declared Bbama as he was arrested on his skydiving trip with Richard Branson.

The Tromp administration was also utilized in the investigation between Russia and the 2016 Election. “This detective agency has concluded there is absolutely no evidence connecting the two,” said Seana Spicy, whom Tromp refers to as his “Watson” due to their role of reporting his cases to the public. “Team member Navid Dunes searched every square inch of every town in Russia and couldn’t find a single person who knew President Tromp. It’s undisputable.”

Another vital team member is new acquisition Geal Norsuch. Tromp said recently, “Geal is my go to guy when I need something stolen. Whether it be a hard drive, a tape or a Supreme Court seat, Geal finds a way.”

Though most on the team declare Tromp is the sole mastermind of the group, Tromp insists it’s a team effort. “The success we are seeing in solving cases is all due to trust Put-in my team.”

Other cases the Tromp administration has solved in their first 100 days include: arresting Ted Cruz on account of being the Zodiac killer, declaring the Bermuda triangle is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese to impact American shipping and discovering that Rosie O’Donnell was actually Jack the Ripper. 

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Whitman news since 1896
The Tromp Detective Agency