Earlier this week, the Frençh House passed a vote to leave the Interest House Community, with the upper floor voting 56 percent in favor of succession, the lower floor voting 48 percent against and a mysterious 23 percent of muffled burbling coming from the basement.
The remaining houses in the IHC have mixed feelings about the French House leaving. La Casa reported feeling dismay and loneliness at losing their neighbor, the Outhouse was perfectly okay with losing their neighbor and the new Disinterest House feels nothing but apathy.
The real question remains–what does this mean for the future of the French Housê? As resident Jean-Claude Pierre stated in an exaggerated French accent, the vote was due in part to the House being fed up with all of the people coming over to visit. “Oui are all like, you can’t live here! This is not your home!” Claude then tipped his beret at regulation 30 degrees off horizontal and straightened out his accent. In the future, a visit to La Maîson will require applying for a VISA card (the RA accepts bribes).
Despite this new freedom from unwelcome visitors, misfortune has come with the House’s new independence. The Resident Life offices have stated that they will no longer be funding the French folk’s crepe cocktails, baguette barbecues or striped shirt soirees. “Oh no,” bemoaned resident André Louis. “How will we ever maintain our authority on culture and cuisine?” La Maison will need to find some other source of revenue in order to support its current economic endeavors, but its residents will no longer need to pay the IHC membership fee.
However, the biggest bummers about leaving the IHC will surely be the lack of bin dinners and that the Frênch Housè has been removed from the guest list of the IHC brunches. These glamorous and exclusive meals that take place every fortnight in an undisclosed location are widely considered to be the pinnacle of IHC life, exceeded only by the delectable feast of bin dinners.
At press time, the whole Frençh House was found huddling in their living room, wiping tears off each other’s faces, worrying about the future and regretting their decisions.