Steven Mnuchin Secures Treasury Secretary Nomination

Trevor Lewis, Humor Writer

President Elect Donald Trump was reportedly considering Bernie Madoff or a bag of open cocaine on the oval office floor  for the position of Treasury Secretary before deciding Mr. Mnuchin was more qualified for the task at hand.  Though he has never held public office before, Mnuchin had an illustrious career as an executive at Goldman Sachs- a bastion of financial morality.  Naturally voices in our community were none too pleased:

“I’m just happy that someone with experience in the honest, character-building arena of finance will act as an impartial arbiter of treasury practices” -Nobody

“When will the American people wake up and realize that such close ties with the investment banking industry should disqualify anyone from becoming president.  The conflict of interest is insane.  How can Trump still claim to represent the will of the everyman? -Hillary Clinton

“Woooooooooooooo!!!! No Rules!!!!!…..  ummmm… sorry…..  What I meant to say is that I find Dodd-Frank a hindrance to real economic growth.” -A Merrill Lynch Exec before doing cocaine off of some newly securitized near-prime Credit Default Swaps