Whitman Instagram: A Champion’s Guide to Crushing the Competition


Austin Biehl, Staff writer

Backpage_Revere_Instagram_4_webIllustration by Claire Revere.

Whenever you see a Whittie on their phone, there’s an excellent chance that they’re doing one of three things: getting out their aggression by down-voting everything on Yik Yak, pretending to text so as to avoid eye contact when they pass you in the hallway, or, most likely, checking their Instagram desperately hoping for likes. Everybody knows that the number of likes you get on your Instagram pictures is a great way to measure your self worth. As a result of this undeniable fact, many Whitties experience a lot of anxiety when trying to pose “naturally” or making that critical choice between Valencia and Mayfair. To help make things easier for you, we here at the Backpage have a few tips to help you win Whitman Instagram:

  1. Sunset in the wheat fields. You honestly cannot be on Instagram at Whitman if you don’t have AT LEAST one photo of you and your friends enjoying #classicWW. So get your friends, pack some beers, run recklessly across Highway 12 and document that shit. Furthermore, this is a great opportunity to get some bang for your buck. Also, since it’s 100 percent socially acceptable to Instagram the wheat fields every 1 to 3 months, we’d recommend taking lots of pictures on this trip to create a stockpile of material. Wheat is poky and itchy and you don’t want to have to pretend to enjoy sitting on it too often.
  2. Photograph your Birkenstock-clad feet. Birkenstocks are viewed with a mixture of love and irony at Whitman. People will admire your self-awareness, but at the same time will respect your desire to fully inhabit the Whitman aesthetic.
  3. OMG there’s nothing Whitties like better than going into the great outdoors with their iPhone so that they can constantly take pictures to prove how much they enjoy getting away from the world of social media. Like, were you even outside if you don’t have a photo to prove it? Obviously don’t forget to include a quote by Jack London or John Muir.
  4. Document your study abroad experience AT ALL TIMES.  Instagram can be a great way to convince your friends (and yourself) that you’re having a way cooler semester than they are. Prove this by posing for pics with hot locals at a trendy Berlin nightclub, chugging wine from the bottle in front of the Eiffel Tower, or gallivanting around some Greek island in a long flowing dress á la Mamma Mia.
  5. Hold fresh produce. This one is a classic. Nothing screams,“I’m natural as fuck” like an Instapic of you with a bunch of carrots in your hands. Be sure to get your hands dirty so people know you picked them yourself.