In order to appear less frightening to students, the following campus agencies would like to make a few announcements in the form of limericks:
From the Office of the Dean of Students
About grief, we have tried to be nice
But it seems that you need some advice:
We’ll put you on probation
â€˜Cus grandmothers should not die twice.
From the STD Prevention Initiative
The Planned Parenthood Club has conveyed
At their delight at the progress we’ve made
Upon their inspection
Not one new infection!
â€˜Cus none of us have gotten laid.
From the chemistry department
I’m all for a little libation
When discussing amino substration,
But we’re getting off task
So I now have to ask:
Don’t be drunk at your chem recitation.
From the Maintenance Team
From science to Ankeny we jet
Used water to keep the grass wet,
But the jets may come on
While you mack on the lawn
So please take it back into Jew-wett.
From the tall maple tree to the oak-ling
We know you are climbing and smoking
We won’t come and get you
In fact, we’ll just let you
Have fun climbing down after toking.
From the dance department
Whitman is well to the fore
In its classes and teachers and more,
But walk past Sigma Chi
And we all want to cry,
So dancing is now part of Core.
From the biology department
Your loved ones, for doctors, have prayed,
But your numbers have got us dismayed.
While French majors are lonely,
We’re standing room only.
We swear we will break out the Raidâ„¢.
From Bon Appétit
Whether gluten/fat-free enchilada
Or cactus leaves flown from Nevada,
We’re just not in the mood
To serve rich-people food,
So from now on its burgers or nada.