This week, The Backpage had our own reporter get down to the nitty gritty of I-week. Here, she interviews an anonymous newly-initiated first-year:

Pio: So, do you guys undergo any physical changes? I noticed you’re rocking the J-Biebs style hair, yet we haven’t seen you on lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com (awkward pause), so we’re forced to believe these are Greek shenanigans. Is this true?

Justin Bieber doppelganger: I can neither confirm nor deny that we were all forced to get bowl cuts. Although, I do believe Prentiss Dining Hall is missing a large quantity of bowls.

Pio: Okay, so let’s just say you had to get bowl cuts. How does this strengthen the bonds of sisterhood?

JBD: It’s really helpful not having hair in my face during the naked candle ceremony!

Pio: Wait. What?

JBD: Huh?

Pio: You just said “naked candle ceremony.”

JBD: No, I didn’t.

Pio: Pretty sure you did.

JBD: Naked Super Smash Bros. tourney.

Pio: What?

JBD: No further comment. (Subject runs away from interviewer, shiny locks of Bieber hair whipping back and forth)