———- Forwarded message ———-
Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800 RA UPDATE!
Hey guys,
So, by now you’ve all probably noticed that there is a zombie problem on campus. We know that it can be lonely when your friends have been consumed but remember that ResLife is here to support you! Come talk to an RA if you’re struggling or use the counseling center! Even with the zombie apocalypse going on though, it’s important to remember that this is a community hall, so let’s show a little more respect for pub- lic spaces. The main lounge is really bloody, and people are still leaving their papers around. Plus, we could really be doing a better job with quiet hours.

Peace, love and study breaks! -Kelly

P.S. Don’t forget that tonight’s study break is Worm Cups!! 8 p.m.!

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Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Guys, whoever took my True Religion jeans out of the laundry room and left the room covered in blood, a) I NEED THOSE BACK THEY WERE EXPENSIVE and b) GROSS!

– Natasha

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Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Hey guys,
Is anybody driving to the nearest safe zone? My roommates are infected, I’m pret- ty sure my family is dead or dying and I really just need to get away from here. I’ll bring Doritos Cool Ranch and Slim Jims and I just got the new Shakira album AND I pay for GAS AND AMMO!!!:-)!!

Zeke

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Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Hi ladies! (And Sven!) Here is an update on cute Jewett boys who are still alive: Mitchell, Brian, Bryan, Zeke, Roshan, Adam, Chuckie, Spencer, Harrison

– Ashley

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Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Hey “Friends,” Isn’t it weird how all of a sudden I’ve become sooooo popular! Nobody wanted to
invite me to the wheat fields last week because it was “creepy” when I practiced as- sembling my firearms in the study lounge. Thanks for letting me know, “bro to bro” that I scared all your lady friends, Zeke, but I needed to prepare for the day you said would never come!
AND SUDDENLY I HAVE EIGHT GIRLFRIENDS!
This is to let you know that I will only continue to offer my protection if all the girls stop talking to Zeke. Over and Out.

-Derrick “Blade Fist” Flowers

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Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
RA UPDATE! Great job at the rap assembly guys! That was a tough battle! PROUD. OF. YOU! Also, I went down to 2-West to investigate the smell and unfortunately Zeke,
(remember Zeke?) dragged his torso up to me using only the stumps of his forearms and told me that everyone there is dead. So our Ping-Pong tournament is postponed. 🙁 HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATASHA!!!

– Kelly

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Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Dear “Friends,” Looks like our RA is infected. That’s what you get for talking to Pooka-necklace-
cheezballs like Zeke. If the girls continue tearfully building their “mourning alter” for him, I’m going to
stop bringing home squirrel or duck meat for any of you. -Derrick “Blade Fist” Flowers

———- Forwarded message ———-
Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Guys, whoever took my human vertebrae necklace out of the lounge and left Kelly’s shot-up corpse on the table a) I NEED THAT BACK IT WAS FROM ZEKE and b) UR DISGUSTING.

– Natasha

———- Forwarded message ———-
Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 12:11:35 -0800
Hi ladies! (And Sven!) Here is an update on cute Jewett boys who aren’t cute but are still capable of repro- duction for the sake of future generations: Zeke’s leftover semen, Derrick “Blade Fist” Flowers

-Ashley