Orange juice – Sometimes a bit too watered down, you feel shy at expressing your opinions in a group context. However, other people often benefit from the refreshing perspective you offer. A favorite of Wiz Khalifa, you get free tickets to all his shows.
Everyone is familiar with the infamous and overpriced Smirnoff Ice, an enticing source of joy for some and dread for others. Everyone is also familiar with the butterfly effect, which says that causes you instigate have far-reaching and often unpredictable effects. Since Boris Smirnoff first hid a bottle of Ice in an orifice in his wife’s room, an epoch started that has no signs of slowing down.
It’s been a month since the start of 2013, which means the last of everyone’s News Year’s Resolutions are in the deliberate process of being “forgotten†–along with “Tebowingâ€, Pinterest, and unnecessarily screaming “YOLO!†when doing non-life threatening activities like J-Walking across the street. Like some of you, I was stupid enough to throw all my eggs in the Mayan Apocalypse basket, and thus thought that my far-fetched New Year’s resolutions would be inconsequential. As punishment for my naive and ignorant acceptance of a non-existent apocalypse, I have decided to try and do something that no one has dared to try before- actually attempt to follow through with my resolutions. That being said here is a painfully and embarrassingly honest update on my progress (or lack thereof):
Every basketball player knows a thing or two about “off daysâ€â€”those days when, for some reason, the shots just can’t find the bottom of the net. Some attribute their atypically poor performances to nervousness before a big game, while others are affected by injury, fatigue or personal problems off the court. The problem affecting the play of Whitman Missionary Bryan Galkey is potentially much larger and more dangerous than any of these explanations.
1. What type of outerwear do you wear most frequently in the winter?
a. Patagonia soft fleece
b. An olive peacoat
c. A down jacket
d. A Whitman hoodie
e. Just a shirt
With spring hanging like an icicle precariously over us, Whitman’s top sports team returns to the field for what promises to be another successful year. But while the Sweets toss the disc around as casually as they toss around phrases like “nice huck, breh†and “do you think this up-bid will get me in Skyd Magazine, D?â€, men’s baseball will also be taking to the field. Despite the fact that the baseball team has won only five of its 35 to 40 games every year for more years than most of its players can even count, they remain optimistic with the hiring of a new coach.
In a truly disgusting public interview with Whitman professor Chopra Winfrey, Pioneer humor and sports writer Tristan Gavin confessed freely that his reason for joining the staff of Whitman’s newspaper was to “try to make a joke about jenkem."
The mysterious appearance of yerba mate canisters across campus puzzled many students. Private investigators overheard students saying, “Were coffee and tea not good enough?â€
There is always something unique in the air as students begin to prepare for finals every December. No, I am not talking about the stress-induced pheromones or the sweet scent of Christmas cookies coming from Prentiss Hall.
Hundreds, if not thousands, of Whitman students were either appalled or elated at the news that Whitman’s People Search is becoming a social networking site. As soon as students click on the new banner (and are asked to sign a lengthy Terms of Agreement contract), users are whisked away to a page giving a list of “people you might know.†From this list, students can pick to add friends or block friends. If you choose to block someone, a pre-generated passive-aggressive message is sent to that person telling them that you don’t want to be friends.
