Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 6
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Poems with Rendrick Heeson

Reed Hendrickson November 13, 2014

DAILY activities In the middle of the year of the middle age, Of a large bee decided it was his destiny to sit down upon that tree The tree wanted to see what the bee would do so he took a chance...

Mease not Mooses: Dog people

Mease not Mooses: Dog people

Luke Hampton November 13, 2014

Cartoon by Asa Mease.

Mease not Mooses: Arent we all just...

Mease not Mooses: Aren’t we all just…

Luke Hampton November 6, 2014

Cartoon by Asa Mease.

Air travel offers unexpected pleasures

Joseph Wood November 6, 2014
I miss flying. Being from Seattle, I always drive to Walla Walla and so my time in the sky has been severely diminished. I can’t help but feel nostalgic for an airplane ride.

Nut shrinkers are league underdog

Dylan Snyder November 6, 2014
Fantasy Football is taking over Whitman’s campus, but one man is the most mediocre of them all. Kyle Seazly is owner/GM/president/coach of the startup TKE1 league’s Steroid Nut Shrinkers. The Nut Shrinkers have jumped out to a hot 4-4 record, good enough for fifth place of the eight-team league.

Former Shell CEO to be new Whitman prez

Joseph Wood October 30, 2014
In a controversial announcement, Whitman College announced that Ben van Beurden, the Dutch CEO of the Shell Oil Company, will be the next President of the college. This end of the search has come after months of shady backroom bar meetings at the Green, candidate interrogations and discussions with Grow Your Endowment Executive Search Consultants, the consulting firm hired to assist in the search process. The presidential search as a whole cost the school 70,000 dollars and two of George Bridges’ nine lives. Thus, the college is very excited to finally welcome van Beurden as a Whittie.

The Backpage pontificates

Kyle Seasly October 30, 2014
“Don’t talk about poop when trying to woo a woman. This is day-one stuff, kid.”

Backpage presents: Educational films

Reed Hendrickson October 30, 2014
The act of studying consists of checking Facebook.com, searching for YouTube videos, and finding new music on the internet. However, usually these do not accomplish anything besides extending study time and giving you an excuse to say you got less sleep than the other Whitman student. You were “studying so late last night.” This continuous system ramps up the stress. If this sounds like you, I have a couple videos that will help you distress through laughter and confusion.
Mease not Mooses

Mease not Mooses

Luke Hampton October 30, 2014

Comic by Asa Mease.

Ultimate Frisbee: A serious sport

Reed Hendrickson October 23, 2014
The one aspect this country of America really holds above everything else is sports. That is why soccer is not one of the most watched sports in America and NASCAR has 75 million fans. Football has been America’s love since day one except for baseball. It is a different story. Baseball is America’s pride and glory.

Townies destabilize vast swaths of Beta’s lands

Trevor Lewis October 23, 2014
It has been only three months since militant townies first started making an appearance in Beta’s sacred lands. However, since that time and because of some lightning-fast tactical raids, the townies have managed to gain control of the gravel pit, the rope swing and Kyle Seasly’s guitar. Now, I know what many of you reading at home must be thinking: “Beta is a barren, worthless wasteland. Why should we care?” I was of a similar opinion until I was informed that Beta is one of the leading exporters of PBR, American Spirits, cynicism and many other raw materials upon which Whitman society is built. I traveled to this war-torn region of Whitman Campus on a drunken bender last weekend to analyze the geopolitical landscape further.
Mease not Mooses: Parents

Mease not Mooses: Parents

Luke Hampton October 23, 2014

Comic by Asa Mease.

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