Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 6
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Crazy straw glasses and other spring fashion predictions

George Groebner, borrowing and abusing my uncle’s credibility February 22, 2024

As February begins to wane and Ankeny shortcut-takers feel their shoes sink into the murky residue of the last snowstorm for probably a while, it is the natural course of human neurology that minds should...

Letter from the Publisher

Rachel Husband, Publisher February 15, 2024

Happy Valentine’s Day dear readers. This is not a silly teehee little piece to make you giggle but a tiny love letter tucked away in the section of The Wire where I feel most at home. During Valentines,...

Illustration by Edyn Parsell

Valentines Missed Connections

Grace Canny, novice matchmaker February 15, 2024

Have you ever held prolonged charged eye contact while waiting at the Grill? Made charming and witty banter in the Post Office line? At a school this small, Missed Connections are somewhat superfluous...

Illustration by Edyn Parsell

Celebrating Valentine’s with Condom Bouquets

Meghan Kearney, Whitman’s Condom Dealer February 15, 2024

This Valentine’s Day, Whitman wasn’t just being safe in the bedroom, but out in the environment. Condom Bouquets, paper flowers, adorned with condoms and dental dams and crafted with meticulous care...

Illustration by Kai Bowen

Diverting the Flow: an argument for the construction of a Whitman moat

George Groebner, wannabe island-dweller February 15, 2024

Like many of you reading this, I often find myself pining for the good old days, before newfangled technology like printing presses and disease immunization made our lives so long and complicated....

Invisible Art Exhibit at Sheehan Steals The Show

Arham Khan, Unpaid Intern February 15, 2024

In an unprecedented move that has the art world baffled and oddly impressed, Whitman College’s Sheehan Gallery has introduced its latest exhibit: ‘The Emptiness of Perception,' which, true to its name,...

Creative basket-free ways to transport your laundry

George Groebner, dry clean only February 8, 2024

There are many reasons to be missing a laundry basket. Maybe it got carried off in a storm. Maybe it grew legs and walked away. Maybe you got confused by the giant “LAUNDRY” lettering on the side and...

Meet the Most Important Person at Whitman College––The Basketball Team Manager

Meghan Kearney, a top 2 fan and not #2 February 8, 2024

Whitman’s famous D3 Men’s Basketball team has achieved a remarkable increase in viewership, especially considering I now attend the games. There has also been a surge of college applications to Whitman,...

Illustration by Tali Hastings

I Lived In A Frat Basement: AmA

Arham Khan, former child February 8, 2024

Tell me honestly: who hasn’t laid in bed on a Wednesday night in their nice warm comfy dorm bed and thought “Man, I’d hate to die without having lived in a frat basement." Well, if you’ve ever...

Illustration by Uma Bratt

What Whitman REALLY plans on doing with North

Will Lanstra, Duli Junn’s Promoter February 8, 2024

What does Whitman plan on doing with North? With the dorm FINALLY shutting down as housing for students, there are many questions as to what Whitman will do with it. Rumors have been told that it will...

I Got Kidney Stones for Christmas

I Got Kidney Stones for Christmas

Meghan Kearney, adjusting next year’s wishlist February 1, 2024

Twas the night before break, and all through the campus, not a student was stirring – except me. My night began with a lack of holiday spirit, with my eyes glued to the clock of Phi Delta Theta,...

Top 5 Emails to Explain Why You Missed Your 9 A.M. Class

Will Lanstra, Bolton’s booty call February 1, 2024

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. You wake up at 1 p.m. realizing that you hit the snooze maybe a couple times too many on a test day. It’s ok. It’s a part of college. But now you gotta un- Fuck...

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