Three days since it happened. My worst nightmare: someone at home being in trouble, and me not being there to help. I thought about being in this situation earlier this semester and how dreadful it would be to feel so stuck and useless, and then it happened.
Something awful happened to someone I really care about back in the United States, and I was on the other side of the hemisphere. There was nothing I could do but hope that everything will be okay. My stomach has been churning; my head filled with buzzing thoughts and pressure, especially from all the tears shed; I lost my appetite; I felt empty. Not to mention the accident I witnessed due to reckless driving by a taxi driver: the day after I received the news of what had happened at home, I was on the way to Kelly’s house for comfort, when I saw a taxi driving probably 50 mph on a local road hit a man on a bike. I stayed at the scene of the accident for a while, trying to hold any sign of contempt for the world inside of me. All I could think was, this is not what I needed.
I have been talking to a lot of friends from home, which has soothed my disorientation. Hours of ranting, crying, averting my thoughts and pretending to be cheerful, yelling, silence. I waited to hear more news from the people at home, although the news seemed to get worse and worse. I also had an RA interview on video chat. Thank goodness for Rachel who convinced me to take care of myself and not think about the situation for just the time being –– I think the interview went really well.
However, at one point I remembered that this person would not want to see me like this. This person would especially not like to hear that I have refrained any of my activities that would normally occur being abroad. Toward the beginning of my trip, he told me: “I realize that Argentina was and is your time to ‘get away from it all’ and just be on your own… I’m telling you to try to live out what seems to be so far a great experience the way you envisioned it… before I messed up your plans…”
He reminded me of this about a week ago, and now I am reminded of it again. I took this into consideration, and between baking scones with Kelly, playing Frisbee in the park and going to an art exhibition held by my fellow classmates in the art department, eating my probably 115th asado, getting support from all my amazing friends, listening to “Fix You” by Coldplay (ehehehehh), I have been feeling a lot better. I am finally able to accept what happened and just hope for the best, but not constantly worry.
I am currently in a different country, a different continent, a different hemisphere. I am currently fulfilling my goals in life, literally crossing one off my bucket list (“10. Go somewhere in Latin America”). However awful a situation may be, I have to remember that I am living my dream, and just stumbled upon a short nightmare. I have to remember that this is what I’m here to do:
EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.
LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.
MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.
I support you in every way, Simon Van Neste. I just want you to know that I’m still living my life, just like you want me to.