--Fidel Castro figures Trump Presidency as good a time as any to peace out --Reince Priebus revokes President-elect Trump’s Twitter access until he finishes last bite of steak --Nation’s liberals...

-Post-80s dance Prentiss brunch the surest sign yet that the apocalypse is nigh -RA spends a heartbreaking amount of time making bathroom “Crush Board” poster that will be covered in phallic imagery...

--Nation surprised when reminded that Supreme Court is still a thing --Ted Cruz announces plans to nominate himself to Supreme Court if elected --Anonymous source: Jeb Bush apparently still running...