Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

What Some Professors Do on 3-Day Weekends

Rebecca Gluck, Candle Designer
March 2
Filed under Humor

The three-day break last weekend gave students and professors a chance to relax, work on schoolwork and experiment with potent forms of recreational drugs. Among the professors who chose the latter option, William Brown, a chemistry professor, and Ari Stottle, a philosophy professor, were willing to...

Je Suis Sweden

Anthony Reale, Amateur LARPer
March 2
Filed under Humor

The guns firing. The cannons booming. The civilians screaming. These are just a few descriptions of the civil war that has broken out in Sweden, just as the President of the United States predicted last week. Reporters from The Wire were on the ground in the war zone in an attempt to gather informat...

Trump’s Security Chief Pick is Exactly Who We Expected: A Literal Bowl of Soup

Winston Weigand, Liberal Snowflake
March 2
Filed under Humor

In a sudden turn of events, the CEO of the United States, Donald Trump, has selected a new National Security Advisor. The previous NSA John F. Kelly was forcefully dismissed by Trump after his second cousin’s best friend’s cat-sitter posted a meme on Facebook that referred to Trump as “an amber-colored...

Diary of an RA

Diary of an RA

Elena Aragon
March 1
Filed under Humor

9 a.m.: Wake up to put puke bucket outside the door, it's still dirty from the person who used it last night 11 a.m.: Walk to the section lounge, proceed to do all the recycling 'cause it's filled to the brim in the closet 'cause no one ever does it 3 p.m.: Break out Settlers of Catan in the section ...

Whitman news since 1896
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