Whitman students, for the most part, are not afraid of sex: hearing about it, talking about it or having it. Hence, it was no surprise to see several hundred Whitman students show up in Cordiner Hall on Oct. 25 to hear Nicole Daedone speak about female orgasm. Though the lecture was titled “College Sex: Taking Good to Great,” it would have more appropriately been called something like “College Sex: Taking Subpar to Awkward Subpar.”
When asked by a Whittie how college students could move from anonymous hook-ups (the Subpar) to something better, Daedone answered that hook-ups will start to feel so unsatisfactory that, eventually, we will search for better sex. It was unclear how exactly she expected us to do this on a campus where most sexual encounters take place in certain houses on a certain street on certain days of the week.
If you were to try a sexual meditation technique with a stranger in an unfamiliar location (as Daedone did), you would most likely feel as though you were at a gynecologist appointment gone terribly, terribly wrong (the Awkward Subpar).
I completely agree with Daedone that we, as college students, can and should do better. I disagree only on the context in which a great sexual experience can occur.
First of all, a great sexual experience means great pleasure: for everyone involved. If your partner is underwhelmed by the experience, it will undermine your own experience.
Now, it is no secret that everyone has fun bits that are exciting, beautiful and enjoyable . . . but many are also tricky, especially women’s. This means that you need to be invested: a word that is synonymous with caring and perfectly contradicts the definition of a hook-up. Therefore, is it realistic for you to expect that stranger to rub you the right way? Or for you to know exactly what will blow that other person’s mind? No. But do you want to be rubbed the right way while also blowing someone else’s mind? Yeah, probably.
So, if great sex means each individual must be satisfied, the next question is: What type of environment, both physical and emotional, lends itself to pleasure and fulfillment?
While unfamiliarity can create excitement and spontaneity, it is perhaps more important to consider what else it usually means: risk, miscommunication and a lack of concern for others involved: which I imagine often makes the encounter feel numb, distracted, hurried or awkward.
I feel completely comfortable with my body, to the point where I have been naked in front of thousands of people (yes, fact). Nonetheless, there is something about the thought of letting a stranger, or even an acquaintance, stroke me softly with my legs spread in the butterfly position while I twiddle my thumbs and wonder where his hands have been that is just . . . not appealing.
While I will be the first to admit that it is beyond difficult to find a person you connect with and a place you feel comfortable in before you decide to have sex, I will also be the first to advocate how worthwhile it is. Whitman students are more often than not incapable of turning off their brains and having an entirely physical experience, unless you decide to count the drinking and dancing that goes on at parties.
Fortunately, great sex doesn’t call for you to turn off your brain. Satisfying sex is about investment: how often does something easy turn out to be something great? Laughing hysterically when your bare chests press together and accidentally make a farty noise, or spontaneously calling on a naked game of “Magic: The Gathering” post-sex (coupled with some technique of course) is what makes the experience fulfilling. Not your ability to feel satisfied when a stranger strokes you exactly three-eighths of an inch to the right of the center of your clitoris under bad lighting and on someone else’s floor.
Eli Block • Jan 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Hi again 🙂
Thanks for replying. I love the conversation.
I think all your questions are completely reasonable. I would want to know all the same things. Let me see if I can answer a little bit more.
So a type of location for an OM can be a dorm room. Somewhere clean, quiet and comfortable. We encourage OMing on the floor as opposed to the bed to separate it from your normal sex life. Our free How to OM video is now available on the OneTaste.us site and answers all these questions.
Relationships between OMing partners tend to be couples or friends who are clear and deliberate with their boundaries. They OM but they do not make out or have sex. Think friends with benefits with clear boundaries about what will happen and will not at least not without renegotiation. Part of the fun of all this is just going in and seeing what happens. Think of it like research. You get to throw together desire, practice, and friendship, do it wrong, learn and then keep going. It might get messy from time to time and if you ask me, its all part of learning to be a sexual being.
As far as conversations go, it depends on who we’re talking about. Is it a couple interested in trying the practice, friends, or maybe casual acquaintances?
I suggest the training package because it’s simply the best, most effective way to get it. We have trained several classes of certified OM trainers (on our 6th program now) because we know from a lot of experience that there is no substitute for learning from somebody who has experience in the practice. There are quite a few options that don’t involve a training package purchase. I would invite you to read Nicole’s book. It is fantastic and has a full starter guide to the practice. Tim Ferris’ #1 NY Times best seller, The 4-Hour Body has a chapter dedicated to the practice and of course, as I mentioned, there’s the free video.
After reading your comments I had this thought that maybe we need a College Student’s Guide to OM eBook or something. Food for thought.
The last thing resource I’d like to offer is our running feed of blogs by OM practitioners located at http://www.onetaste.us/blog5/. You can read about real people who do the practice.
The gyno comment was just my way of playing with your words. I truly did not read any of your comments as jabs. You have great questions and a sharp mind. Your critical thinking welcome.
Eli
Author • Dec 21, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Thanks for your reply, Eli. I wrote this article not with the intention of discrediting Nicole, her ideas, or the company, but simply as a way to point out that I don’t think her lecture gave us the big picture or all the pieces of the puzzle. I would personally like to see more tangible advice for students on how to create situations where OM is possible – including type of location, relationship, conversations, etc. that would help the experience go well. I think that her lecture was vague on these issues and that most Whitties would like more concrete ways to help their sex life – however, maybe for that, they need to buy a “basic OM Training package” (nice sales plug, by the way).
Also, my gynecologist comment was not meant as a way to embarrass anyone who knows a lot about pleasure (because that is, of course, awesome), but was meant to illustrate that if you’re practicing this with the wrong person and at the wrong time/place, the experience can feel clinical. Its not always good just because its done by the book…in this case, literally.
Thanks again for your insight, Eli.
Eli Block • Dec 20, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Dear Whitman Student,
My name is Eli Block and I graduated from Whitman in 2005. I also work for OneTaste, Nicole’s company. I have had a regular practice of orgasmic meditation aka OM for the last 3 years. I’m grateful that you took the time to consider the things Nicole said and I have a few thoughts and viewpoints I’d like to share with you. It’s my belief that college life and OM are not only compatible but that they are uniquely suited to each other.
The first thing I want to say is “yes, we know OM is totally different”. That was certainly my initial reaction. I smiled when I read “It was unclear how exactly she expected us to do this on a campus where most sexual encounters take place in certain houses on a certain street on certain days of the week.” I’m going to invite you to try on the possibility that more is possible and that there are clean, quiet, well lit, comfortable places to have a sexual experience on campus. And your comment makes sense… most of us are taught from an early age that the way to get loose enough to follow our desires is to drink alcohol. What I heard Nicole say is that it can be different. You have the choice of safety, cleanliness, well lit space and your clear-headed choice of a partner for any sexual experience whether it be sex or OM. You can have it however you want it and if you want a different way then this might be for you.
I have more good news. Learning the practice of OM no longer relies on potentially creepy strangers. You and your friends are a perfect example. You found out about it in a talk and so did everybody else who saw Nicole speak. That’s roughly one out of seven people on campus if I have my math and attendance numbers right. That’s a lot of potential partners! I saw the video on YouTube and that question/answer session was bursting with turned on Whitties, including men. Also, I happen to work for a legitimate company of geniuses who sole reason for existing is to teach people about it. And what’s even more in your favor is that you live in a small, tightly knit community full of brilliant, open-minded, and sensitive people many of whom you know, like and trust. I’m not sure how much more ideal it could get. If you want, I’d suggest that you start out with a practice partner, maybe a boyfriend or somebody you hook up with and feel good around. Maybe its a friend whose energy you like but don’t want to take it full-blown. I would be shocked if you got turned down if you asked somebody to try the practice.
You hit the nail on the head when you write, “how often does something easy turn out to be something great?” In my experience, not often! Becoming more tuned into the sensations you feel in your body and the bodies of others is no exception. We live in a culture promoting tips and tricks and quick fixes for weight loss, success, and sex, just to name a few. Just go to Safeway and look at the magazine isle. There’s article after article offering you “The 100 best ways to make him crazy in bed!” and other one-size-fits-all versions of how to touch and be with another human being. And though the practice of OM can come off as clinical (per your gynocologist comment) just imagine if you had a man (or two!) in your life who knew as much or more about your pussy’s pleasure as your gynecologist does about its health. Awkward or awesome? I’ll let you decide.
In the spirit of the holidays I spoke to Rachel, head of sales here at OneTaste and we are going to do something special for you Whitties. For the rest of the month of December we are going to run a Whittie Special on our basic OM Training package. Email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook to discuss the details.
in service,
Eli Block, ’05.