New Member of Scientology Surprised to Find Thetan Isn’t Satan with a Lisp: Tom Cruithe’th Thecret Comesth to Life
February 16, 2017
Filed under Humor
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When Ron Hughes first beheld the brilliant blue Las Vegas motel that is the Church of Scientology, he was in awe. The building seemed to have an aura of holiness around it, aided by cameras that shifted constantly. Hughes felt at home and couldn’t wait to join the line of people who were smiling and bobbing their heads to the silence.
“I heard bad stuff about this place,” Hughes confessed. “I don’t know what people were talking about. Everyone is so nice. They even gave me my own trailer to live in for as long as I want, and named it ‘The Hole.’ Their sense of humor definitely drew me in.”
Hughes joined Scientology because, after battling a dairy intolerance for most of his life, he felt lost. The church allowed him to uncover his full potential and gain a greater spiritual understanding of the world, which gave him the opportunity to rid himself not only of the friends who doubted him, but also his family.
The journey, however, was not all smooth sailing, and not just because he was unable to join the Sea Organization, a group comprised of the most dedicated Scientologists. The main source of confusion for Hughes was the distinction between a thetan and Satan, which became an issue.
“I came into the church thinking all Scientologists had lisps,” Hughes laughed, then abruptly stopped, as if remembering something traumatic.
In Scientology, a thetan is an immortal soul that directs people’s actions. Scientologists do not worship Satan.
“They didn’t really appreciate my mistake, but they told me to think about how I could fix it back at ‘The Hole.’ I don’t remember how I came to understand what they meant. It was like they magically imparted some higher knowledge into my brain.” Hughes smiled as he rubbed the black-and-blue bruise on the side of his head.
After resolving the misunderstanding, Hughes resumed his active participation in the church. He recently emailed The Wire to let the staff know that he is doing well, but wants a pocket constitution for bedtime reading.