–Fidel Castro figures Trump Presidency as good a time as any to peace out

–Reince Priebus revokes President-elect Trump’s Twitter access until he finishes last bite of steak

–Nation’s liberals start believing in Santa for lack of better option

–Report: Tryptophan to be used in Middle East peace talks after successful Thanksgiving dinner trials

–Scientists placed on EPA’s endangered species list

–Mike Pence excited to escape controversy and catch a quick Broadway showing of Rent

–God forgets to set a timer, Hell boils over