We at the Back Page have been inspired. Last week there was an article written by Natalie Knott entitled “What Knott is thinking.” It was just a list of what she is thinking. We wanted to do that. It sounded like fun. So without further ado: This is what we think about.

– If Dorian Gray were real, don’t you think that most people would think he’s weird for getting a big portrait of himself? Talk about an ego.

– If we as humans were predators and our only prey was curly fries, only the small ones would survive since the large, beautiful, curly ones (which are sort of like those really pretty peacocks) would be eaten by my friends within the first five minutes of me purchasing them. Curly fries seem to disprove Charles Darwin.

– Where did Andy-O go? I have a hankering for mediocre reggae.

– Jamiroquai used to have so many hats! WOW!

– Sometimes when I listen to “Ironic” by Alanis Morrisette I question what the word irony actually means. Then I get bored so I watch TRL.

– How does one exactly cut off a vagina? Natalie? You said you could do it… so… how do you do that?

– Did you know that in an English pizza house recently a man cut off his penis… talk about pepperoni…

– Does anyone ever get tired of the English language? I do. gjkdlas;hkjl;fdjskal;hkgl;dfsajjdfksal;rieoqwpinkmvc,.xzfkjd;sahrei

– That was pretty satisfying just then.

– Come to 24 hour T-Sports this weekend. We’re gonna be hella tired.

– If you were to make a space elevator it would take almost a month for the elevator to actually make it into outer space. What if the other astronaut only talked about how he’s always wanted to be an astronaut and you just wanted to strangle him? Because that would be like a whole month of listening to this jerk talk about how he always wanted to be an astronaut. Nerd.

– I am listening to musicovery.com right now and its now playing the second Jamiroquai song in the last 10 minutes. Man. Musicovery loves Jamiroquai.

– What if there really was a curse on the Chicago Cubs? Like, not one where they can’t win the World Series, because that’s just superstition, but like one where every member turns into a werewolf in 2009?

– Speaking of werewolves… what is their deal? Can any silver kill them? Sterling as well? Because it seems like Werewolves would really hate fancy dinners if that were the case.

– Who makes silver bullets… did anyone get honestly scared of werewolves and make a bunch of silver bullets only to realize that werewolves didn’t exist… or worse, that the things he thought were werewolves were just yorkshire terriers… I bet he was embarrassed.

– But he probably made hella money selling those silver bullets… except if it were me I’d be too embarrassed to admit I had a bunch of silver bullets… because then I’d have to explain that I thought a yorkshire terrier was a werewolf.

– Do you think that if James Bond were fighting a werewolf he would shoot the silver bullet out of the golden gun?

– Remember that kid who always played Odd Job in Goldeneye and you were always like, “No, you can’t be Odd Job” and he was like “Yeah I can, you can be Jaws” and then you had to explain to him that Jaws was a really shitty character and by that time you didn’t like that friend anymore because he wouldn’t let YOU be Odd Job? I lost seven friends because of that.

– Back to werewolves… Werewolves are humans most of the time, right? Well, if they were to bite you while they were in their human form, would you still become a werewolf? Is it just something transferred through saliva? And if that is the case, could you get it through blood transfusion or other bodily fluids? And if that’s the case, isn’t becoming a werewolf a lot like getting an STI? But instead of it causing burning pee it caused you to kill people when you turned into a rabid man-beast… I’d rather have gonorrhoea any day.

– “Teenwolf” was probably the best movie Michael J. Fox made.

– “Teenwolf 2” was much worse. Probably because Michael J. Fox wasn’t involved.

– If we are to believe “Back to the Future” we should have hella technology in eight years. And we could turn trash into plutonium.

– If we can really turn trash into plutonium in eight years do you think we’d still be frightened of anything? I think it’d be more like… shit man… we can turn trash into plutonium… fuck North Korea.

– I don’t know who’s going to be the next President of the United States… but whoever it is should probably let U2 play at their celebration party… U2 loves politics.

– We made a joke last week about how long it is taking for the bridge to get finished. Maybe that was wrong of us. I’m sure they are doing the best they can… NOT!

– Let’s bring back NOT jokes. We can do this if all combine our efforts. A dedicated group of people CAN change the world.

– NOT!

– A lot of people like the movie “The Fifth Element.” But if they looked closer they would realize that they aren’t watching a movie, but rather a big piece of shit that isn’t interesting.

– What do you think the Snapple Lady is up to? I’d say about 300 pounds! Ha ha!

– I feel awful about that last joke.

– But seriously, do you think she has any money anymore?

– Being in trouble is a false idea.

– The best part of the car is the wheel.

– Ocelots are the greatest jungle cat. They’re so small, but they don’t care.

– If the Sheehan Gallery was a restaurant they would serve some weird ass food.

– The DGs have an anchor hanging outside their window but Julie the RD made me take down the anchor I put outside of two west.

– The best thing to do with cats is to put them in bean bag chairs. They love that shit.

– Sometimes when I look at Memorial Tower it reminds me of Big Ben and then I want Peter Pan to come visit me. Usually I get Peter Richards.

– If I could collate anything else in life besides paper it would be my sandwiches. That would mean I had twice the peanut butter for every slice of bread.

– Barq’s and A&W are better than Dad’s. So are rich stepfathers.

– Venetian blinds are too ugly to be from Italy.

– I bet the number of people who have actually flexed their muscles when the Bon Appetit people in Reid ask how they want to pay is disgustingly high.

– If I were any sort of plate I’d be paper. Fuck you guys.

– Sometimes when people talk about Iraq I just like to say “Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimetable.” Then I leave.

– Playing “Apples to Apples” with Osama bin Laden would be kind of awkward.

– Grated cheese is greater cheese.

– Alberto Gonzales is adorable when he rolls his eyes.

– Guess how old I am. Twenty.

– Trans Fats are the best part of curly fries. Then the fry. Then the curly…

– The last time I peed in a library a homeless guy came in and talked to his dick.

– The sexiest building on campus is the science building.

– Ankney is really big and sometimes hard to say just like Heilongjiang

– Ceiling tiles break really easily and cost a lot to replace.

– If there is ever a fusion drink of cranberries, blueberries and blackberries, I hope it’s called Cran-Berry.

– A lot of the balconies on Lyman are completely unused and this campus drastically needs more potted plants.

– If hitting Ctr+shift+delete is part of Whitman Tech Service’s security I hope they spent a lot of time coming up with that.

– Jamiroquai is now playing for the third time.

– Powell’s is like the king of the book stores. But unlike the T-Rex, Powell’s arms are not short and unusable… they don’t exist…

– Freshman is a sexist term, because it uses the word man in its title… but so does woman.

– Do you think that the bridge near Reid is taking so long to build because George Bridges just wanted some extra publicity, and he likes to hear that he is the better Bridge?

– Sometimes when I’m bored I think about things like computers and about the best way to solve a Sudoku puzzle or maybe about what I want to eat for lunch, but then I think… what about the symposium?